Trauma and Its Impact on Mental Well-being and Relationships

Trauma is a complex and multifaceted experience that can have profound effects on an individual's mental health and relationships. While we often think of trauma as resulting from major life-threatening events, psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, emphasizes that trauma can come in different forms and sizes, commonly referred to as "big T" and "little t" trauma.

Understanding Big T and Little t Trauma

Big T trauma typically refers to severe, life-threatening events such as natural disasters, violent crimes, or serious accidents. These events can lead to acute psychological distress and are often associated with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

Little t trauma, on the other hand, encompasses less severe but still emotionally distressing experiences. These might include relationship conflicts, job loss, or chronic stress. While these events may not threaten physical safety, they can still produce significant emotional distress and trauma responses.

The Cumulative Effect of Trauma

Traumatic stress, whether it is "big T" or "little t" trauma, can have a destabilizing effect, leading to overwhelming emotions and physiological reactions that often can hijack one's abilities to focus, connect, feel self-compassion, and engage in life and relationships with passion and a sense of safety, worthiness and belonging. In fact, research suggests that repeated exposure to little t traumas can sometimes cause more emotional harm than a single big T traumatic event.

Hilary Jacobs Hendel emphasizes that trauma, regardless of its perceived severity, can lead to various mental health challenges, including depression, anxiety, and difficulties in forming and maintaining healthy relationships.

Trauma's Impact on Relationships

Unresolved trauma can significantly affect a person's ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. Some common relationship challenges stemming from trauma include:

1. Trust issues

2. Difficulty with emotional intimacy

3. Hypervigilance or perceived threats

4. Emotional unavailability

5. Difficulty accepting support

Trauma survivors may struggle with these issues, often without realizing their connection to past traumatic experiences.

The Role of Emotions in Healing

Hendel's work focuses on the importance of understanding and processing emotions in healing from trauma. She emphasizes that all emotions, even painful ones, have value and play a crucial role in our mental well-being.

In her book "It's Not Always Depression," Hendel introduces the Change Triangle, a tool to help individuals identify and work through their emotions, defenses, and inhibitory emotions (like shame and anxiety) that often mask core emotions.

Healing from Trauma

Healing from trauma, whether big T or little t, is possible. Hendel advocates for a combination of approaches:

1. Recognizing and validating traumatic experiences

2. Cultivating self-compassion

3. Practicing self-care

4. Seeking professional support when needed

Effective trauma treatment often involves both somatic (body-based) and cognitive approaches. Therapies like EMDR, trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy can be particularly helpful.

Conclusion

Understanding the nuances of big T and little t trauma is crucial for recognizing and addressing their impacts on mental health and relationships. By acknowledging the validity of all traumatic experiences and working to process the associated emotions, individuals can move towards healing and fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships. Remember, seeking professional help is often a vital step in the healing process. As Hilary Jacobs Hendel emphasizes, with the right support and tools, it's possible to work through trauma and connect more authentically with ourselves and others.

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Citation: Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. It's Not Always Depression--Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Boady, Discovery Core Emotions, and Connect with Your Authentic Self. 2018